18 February 2009

Good news and bad news today

Well the problems with the economy have finally hit close to home. Effective 1 March Joseph will take a 10% paycut. We are just going to have to tighten our belts up and really stick to a budget. We are lucky, we both have jobs. I am not getting a raise this year but that is a hell of a lot better than a pay cut. The whole thing has gone to hell in a handcart and our government is trying it's absolute best to put it at top speed. But that is enough about politics.

Well today is my WI day. I hit my first 10% ever. I nailed it right on the head. I was so excited I cried, and my daughter, bless her little heart thought I was hurt and was making sure I was okay. It's weird though, instead of focusing on how great that first 10% is, I am more daunted about the 2nd 10% that I am aiming for now. I even have to loose less weight to hit that 10% but it will put me in a zone that I have not been for awhile. I was thinking about this as I was updating my Weight Watchers profile. For some reason it seems like so much more weight than the first 10%. Maybe because I will be way closer to 200 pounds than 300 pounds, like when I started. I would like to reach my 2nd 10% before 17 May 2009 when I am doing a half marathon with Joseph. I guess I better buckle down and get working.

The whole problem with this weight loss thing is the mind games it causes. Those are the worst. Maybe I will be the same person once I get down to my goal weight, but I am really doubting it. Hopefully I will be a better person when I get to goal, not because I am thinner, but because I am wiser. I will have to have beaten all of the mind games that are related to emotional eating. I will have to have figured out where to put the extra energy that I spent eating and worrying. Or even better, hopefully I will not have as much to worry about. For some reason though, I really don't see that happening either...

04 February 2009

Smorgasborg posting day!

Well as you may know, I have WI today and I am down another 1.5 pounds! Joseph has to see the numbers on it to make it count, and normally he is really supportive, no matter what the scale says. Today he wasn't. Don't get me wrong he wasn't mean but he just said okay I saw it and walked away. I know my weight loss is not easy on everyone all the time but he could have at least said good job or something. Well now that that's out, I am done whining. Onward and downward!

One of my friends Heather coerced me into getting a Facebook account. She coerced me into a MySpace account that I let close. Facebook on the other hand, I have already reconnected with two friends from high school. I even posted pictures on it! And you all know how I feel about pictures. So thanks Heather for getting me out of my comfort zone. I do need to get out of my shell more, especially since it's getting smaller!

Last night I decided to be a good little taxpayer and get my 2008 taxes done. Aren't you all proud of me? I love just hopping on line and taking care of business. Now if my refund will come quickly I will be a much happy camper.

Well people, it's been fun chatting but the life of a parent never ends. Time to get ready for dancing school and errands. Have a wonderful day everyone!

01 February 2009

It's the 1st of February... Picture day!

And why would I be excited about this? I have absolutely NO idea. Maybe because I actually have done it two months in a row. Joseph says he can see a difference, but me, I don't think I look any better. Of course we are our own harshest critics. I think he just says there is one to keep me happy or at least not in tears. Some days he is a really smart man.

I went shopping today to find a new outfit for the fellowship applicant interviews that happen on Tuesday. This is my first round of them and I am pretty excited. I went to good old Lane Bryant found a size 20 skirt and it was actually pretty loose, found a blouse to match looked good felt fab I had dropped a size! Or well so I thought. When the saleswoman was scanning the skirt, I saw the inside tag. My heart sank it was a 24. No wonder it was so loose. It's no secret, especially with the picture you are seeing that I carry the bulk of my weight in my midsection. I just wanted to cry. I did find a true 20 that I could even zip but it was not very flattering. I ended up not buying anything. It's hard to not let something like that deter me but I can't let it.

It's hard to look at this picture even. I am one of those people who never saw themselves as big as I actually am. And I am down almost 25 pounds in this picture. I know that I have said at least to others if not here that I hate it when people treat me differently when I show a decent weight loss. I think its starting again but I am not 100% sure. I have always said I am the same person at 270lbs as I am at 210lbs or whatever. Now I am not so sure. I am still intelligent, sarcastic and quick witted. (And soooo humble) I am not feeling that I am the same. I will have to just wait and see who I will be when the weight comes off. I hope I like that person as much as I liked the woman at 270lbs.

We all have a crutch when we are lacking somewhere else. Mine is that I am the funny fat girl. I am the hard worker who always goes over the call of duty (again with the humility I tell you...) But it was a shield I hid behind or what I had to do to prove that I was not lazy because of my weight. There will come a day that I won't have to prove myself... or will I always be the funny fat girl?