And why would I be excited about this? I have absolutely NO idea. Maybe because I actually have done it two months in a row. Joseph says he can see a difference, but me, I don't think I look any better. Of course we are our own harshest critics. I think he just says there is one to keep me happy or at least not in tears. Some days he is a really smart man.
I went shopping today to find a new outfit for the fellowship applicant interviews that happen on Tuesday. This is my first round of them and I am pretty excited. I went to good old Lane Bryant found a size 20 skirt and it was actually pretty loose, found a blouse to match looked good felt fab I had dropped a size! Or well so I thought. When the saleswoman was scanning the skirt, I saw the inside tag. My heart sank it was a 24. No wonder it was so loose. It's no secret, especially with the picture you are seeing that I carry the bulk of my weight in my midsection. I just wanted to cry. I did find a true 20 that I could even zip but it was not very flattering. I ended up not buying anything. It's hard to not let something like that deter me but I can't let it.
It's hard to look at this picture even. I am one of those people who never saw themselves as big as I actually am. And I am down almost 25 pounds in this picture. I know that I have said at least to others if not here that I hate it when people treat me differently when I show a decent weight loss. I think its starting again but I am not 100% sure. I have always said I am the same person at 270lbs as I am at 210lbs or whatever. Now I am not so sure. I am still intelligent, sarcastic and quick witted. (And soooo humble) I am not feeling that I am the same. I will have to just wait and see who I will be when the weight comes off. I hope I like that person as much as I liked the woman at 270lbs.
We all have a crutch when we are lacking somewhere else. Mine is that I am the funny fat girl. I am the hard worker who always goes over the call of duty (again with the humility I tell you...) But it was a shield I hid behind or what I had to do to prove that I was not lazy because of my weight. There will come a day that I won't have to prove myself... or will I always be the funny fat girl?